Kiss Me Again
by Dahlia's Note
Summary: She had enough of the misery that followed the heels of Damon's kiss. She had enough of wondering if what the kiss meant to her meant the same to him.


**Hello! This is only my 3rd Bamon fanfiction and it feels like Ive been doing these for a very long time, haha. So thats 2 oneshots and one multi chapter. I'm feeling very accomplished**

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Bonnie knew that Damon was allowing her to avoid him. She knew that if he really wanted to he could track her down to the apartment she shared with Caroline. In a flash, he could compel a room of people to keep an eye on her. But he didn't, as far as she knew. She couldn't face him. Maybe he couldn't face her too.

Bonnie stared at the fireplace making its flames dance for her. She needed more time to think, more time than she knew she could let herself have. She'd have to go back to the real world eventually. She was a mess and she knew it.

"Bonnie?" A voice came in from behind her, making her jump a little. It was ok though because it was only Caroline. "Bonnie," Caroline turned on the lights to her room. "How about turning on your phone once in a while? I've been calling you all freaking day."

Bonnie sighed and turned to Caroline standing at the door. She had to say something. The truth. Caroline would understand wouldn't she?

"Ok Bonnie. Spill it. What's up with you?" Caroline asked, bothered that she'd waited so long to confront Bonnie and that Bonnie waited so long to open up to her.

"Fine. But promise not to tell anyone," Bonnie whispered.

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Who the hell am I going to tell a Bennett secret to?"

Bonnie tightened her lips, still afraid. Caroline was right though, maybe on the grand scheme of secrets in this town, hers was just one in a million that was kept.

Bonnie got up from the floor and sat on the bed with Caroline moving to sit right next to her. She couldn't figure out what was up with Bonnie for weeks and it wasn't like she had Elena to worry about Bonnie with either.

"Well?" Caroline started. "It can't be so bad."

Bonnie sighed again. Her chest hurt just thinking about it. "Damon kissed me."

Caroline's mouth fell open. "What?!"

"He just..."

"Damon kissed you and you had the nerve not to tell me?!" Caroline said but then went silent for a moment. She took in the look on Bonnie's face and frowned. She understood the magnitude of what Bonnie just told her but not telling her sooner seemed worse somehow. Bonnie was unfortunately always the one to shoulder things alone. "Bonnie..."

"I can't do this." Bonnie got up front the bed but Caroline grabbed her hand.

"Wait! God. It was _one_ kiss Bonnie. We can pretend it never happened!" Caroline blurted it out. She wasn't good at it herself but the universe knew that she tried her hand at it at least a million times.

"We can't do that!" Bonnie shouted back.

It was silent for a long time before Caroline nodded. "How was it?"

Bonnie's chest tightened again. "Fireworks," she practically sobbed. Caroline's eyes widened and she was effectively silenced. Caroline released the grip she had on Bonnie's hand. "Well?" The truth was out and for the first time since they've own each other Caroline was at a loss for words.

"Damon is... admittedly, a good kisser. Who wouldn't feel something for that?"

"I don't think that's what it was, Care."

"So why did he kiss you? I mean you guys got closer, sure, but..."

"I'm a human witch and we talked about me dying one day. I asked him if he'd miss me when I was finally gone and he just laid it on me."

"I don't get it. Damon kissed you because he'd miss you? Does he know that's not for a few decades?"

Bonnie's cheeks flushed. It wasn't a romantic conversation. It was pitiful and sad. Besides Matt, all of her friends will be ageless and young while she was closer to death every day. Even her mother will outlive her. Damon promised her happiness and she knew then that it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear. She didn't want to be forgotten, not after all she's done.

When Damon kissed her, her world caved in. Her body vibrated and she was hopeless to it. Nothing was as perfect and heartbreaking as a kiss from Damon Salvatore.

"Ok fine. You kissed and maybe you felt something. But its _Damon_ we're talking about, you must have better taste than him right?"

Bonnie suddenly grinned. "Really? Hey, how is Klaus down there in New Orleans? Can you say _road trip?_ "

Caroline tried and failed at holding in a laugh and then they were laughing together. It felt good to laugh despite all the angst recently.

"Ok, ok, Klaus definitely happened. He still—sometimes I feel like he'll come through Mystic Falls to try his hand at whisking me away," Caroline thought out loud then realized what she was saying and shook her head. "Not that I'd want him to or anything."

Bonnie should get head, still smiling. "Not with Stefan waiting on your heart. I don't think he could take coming in last to a bad guy a second time."

"Let's forget about all that. Bonnie, Damon is different with you, since being with you in 1994. I think he always had a soft spot for you. And I'm not going to shame you for feeling anything for him. I don't want you hurt though. He's still waiting for Elena, that's where his happy ending is."

"I know," Bonnie said in a low voice. She then hated Damon. Their friendship was good and fine how it was. She could have lived her entire life without knowing...

"So," Caroline put her arm around Bonnie's shoulder. "Let him down easy, Damon is messy with breakups."

"Shut up," Bonnie said and they laughed again. "You're not helping Caroline."

"I know. Damon is a reckless idiot most of the time but if he kissed you it's because in his heart he really wanted to." Caroline's voice suddenly hardened. "Not like when he was with me, compelling me, drinking from me all day, he called me dumb a few times. Screw it; be as harsh as you want Bonnie."

"I'm sorry, Caroline."

Caroline frowned. "For what?"

"For Damon. I don't think we ever... We never talked about what Damon put you through. You were his first real victim after all."

Caroline had to smile to keep from crying. When she first turned into a vampire, she went ahead on her own and got her "revenge" against him but she was never consoled. Sure, she and Damon weren't enemies anymore, but their history didn't just up and disappear either.

"Don't make me cry, Bonnie."

Bonnie opened her arms and Caroline bent down to hug her best friend tight. Bonnie Sheila Bennett is surely the very best person she knew and this moment was just another example of that. She understood then that losing Bonnie one day would be just as hard as losing her father, or mother, or even herself. Without fail, Bonnie comes back, but when she dies of old age, there won't be a reason to return. She would have lived her life, made her sacrifices, and found love. There could only be one Bonnie.

"I'd miss you. I'd miss you a whole lot when you're gone. All of us would," Caroline declared. "Not just Damon."

Bonnie nodded. "I know." She knew now. "I'm going to miss you guys too."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going talk to him."

"What are you going to say?"

"I don't know yet," Bonnie sighed. This couldn't go on though. Damon is still her best friend and that meant having to talk about things, even the things you'd rather avoid.

Later that night Bonnie paid a visit to the Salvatore boarding house. If Damon really was giving her space it was about time she told him that it wasn't necessary. She had enough of the misery that followed the heels of Damon's kiss. She had enough of wondering if what the kiss meant to her meant the same to him. Answers, she needed them.

When Damon opened the large front door, part of him was surprised to find Bonnie standing there. She'd been avoiding him for a while now, not that he could blame her for that.

"We need to talk," she said.

"That's great. You caught me at the perfect time, right in the middle of my drink." Damon walked into the living room and poured himself another glass of bourbon. Bonnie should have known too, that he'd be a mess. "How about you? Can't imagine whatever you're going say not sounding better in a drunken stupor."

Bonnie put her hand over Damon's, stopping him from picking up his glass. "Don't," she said.

"Fine," Damon said through clenched teeth.

"You could have left me there to die," Bonnie started and Damon was instantly annoyed.

"No, I couldn't."

"No one would have known. You would have had Elena and no one would have realized that you left me to die."

"You must be hard of hearing, Bonnie."

Bonnie watched Damon pace the room. She was frustrated too. "No, I heard you just fine. You care about me. You care enough to save me even if it meant not having her for a while."

"So what?" Damon's voice hardened. If he could take back kissing Bonnie, he wasn't sure if he could. Dealing with it now wasn't fun either.

"Then you kissed me. And sometimes you do dumb things, Damon, and I need to know if kissing me was one of those stupid things that you do for the hell of it because..." Bonnie lost her words as well as her momentum.

"You asked me if I'd miss you—a dumb ass question if we're being honest. When you're finally gone, Bonnie, it is going to kill me inside."

"Is that why you kissed me?"

"It would be easier if I could just compel you to forget it ever happened. It would be easier than admitting I'm in love with you and admitting to knowing that you're in love with me too."

"Even if I was!" Bonnie yelled before pulling herself together. "Even if I am. So what? I'm not competing with Elena. I would never want to."

"You think I don't know that?" Damon growled. "The worst thing that could happen is you asking me to leave her."

"I wouldn't have asked for that!" she snapped.

"I know. And that's the worse too."

Bonnie shook her head. It wasn't that Damon loved her; it was that he loved Elena in equal measures. He had to kiss her and ruin the game they played, the dance they did around what was undoubtedly the most brilliant emotion she's ever felt for another person.

"I hate that I know you're perfect for me and I still have to watch you grow old and die without me. I hate that Elena is going to come back and I could only love her with half of my heart because the other half belongs to you."

Bonnie bit her lip. Damon wasn't going to love her enough to leave Elena. And she wasn't going to love Damon enough to want Damon to leave her. What could she do now? There was no hope in whatever they shared in their hearts for each other.

"I'm glad that I'll be missed when I'm gone. I'll be happy to know that I was loved by my friends and family and that I always did what I could for them. I'll be happy for you, when you finally get to have your ending with Elena."

"Yeah, I know you will be."

"But that's not for a long time. So right now, kiss me again."

"No," Damon answered without hesitation.

"No?"

"You'll regret it."

"I won't and you don't get to decide that I will." Bonnie says as she took a step closer.

There was no hope; she had already decided that, but the only thing more miserable than kissing Damon was not kissing him. She wouldn't regret it, not having this one moment with him, she refused to.

She raised her chin and Damon didn't need any more cajoling. He flashed toward her and his lips were pressed over hers in a heartbeat. This was what he wanted all along, it was what he needed. He needed Bonnie not to take back her words or her feelings. He needed Bonnie not to tell him no.

Bonnie surprised him even more when she opened her mouth to invite him in with her tongue. He never knew a thrill like Bonnie, he'd never been so enamored and he relished in the feeling. He liked feeling as if he was good for her—good enough—and that Bonnie wasn't rating him anyway. If he was a screw up all she'd do is tell him so and that was it. Bonnie made him want to be less of a mess for the sake of himself and not her approval. Being with Bonnie despite the constant bickering, was probably the very best thing to ever happen to him.

They kissed for what felt like forever. Bonnie felt like she was right where she was supposed to be, wrapped up in his arms being kissed to death. Her lips tingled and her body shot up in temperature. She wouldn't have this forever and it made the moment even more special.

Damon pulled back, or at least tried to. He had to still Bonnie's hips to stop her from clinging to him. This was as far as he could go with most of his sanity.

"No," Bonnie whined as she gripped Damon's shoulders. _Don't stop kissing me, don't end it so soon._

"I can't," Damon hissed. His head dropped to her shoulder.

"Damon," she said and his name sounded sweet to his ears. He wanted to make a mess of her, ruin her hair and make-up, and make it so every part of him was etched into her brain.

"If I don't stop now..." He said, tempted to bite down on her neck and flood her body with hickeys.

"I won't ask you to leave her," Bonnie said, aware that she couldn't say Elena's name out loud. "I would never," she raised her hand and ran her fingers gently through his hair. "But I would have wanted you to."

"Don't say that," it was hard enough already.

"It's the truth," she touched his face and pushed him to look her in the eye. "But I can't have what's not mine."

Damon kissed her cheek. It wasn't like Bonnie to be so pitiful but that just made him want to love her even more. Bonnie being strong doesn't mean she couldn't be sensitive. It didn't mean she wasn't capable of sorrow.

"Don't talk like that Bon," he held her face. She looked too much as if she would burst. He didn't want Bonnie crying though; he'd be too weak against her tears.

"Thank you, for the kisses."

Damon cracked a smile despite himself. "My pleasure." He was still stroking her cheeks. If only he could give her everything she wanted. Bonnie deserved the best the world had to offer, he wasn't even the best and she wanted him anyway.

It took a mighty bout of willpower to unravel himself from Bonnie. It didn't feel fair to have to separate so soon.

"This is it... Isn't it?" Damon asked.

Bonnie took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, looks like it."

Neither of them moved in an effort to hold onto the moment as much as they could. Damon thought then how easy it would have been if he fell for Bonnie first. Instead of chasing his brother's girlfriend, he should have been chasing Bonnie.

"Let's get you home," Damon said. He wasn't going to bother with imaginary scenarios. Their history is what made them special. It's him stalking her, trying to manipulate her. It's her being afraid until she found her true power and promptly setting him on fire. It's him making sure she didn't get hurt, staying behind on some ridiculous island until he found her. It's them hugging because—shit, he had no idea where she could be and she ended up ok anyway. It's her sacrifices and her love that made it so everyone got to live. It's holding hands while they stood on the edge of oblivion.

He wouldn't change a thing even if it was painful holding back. He got to know Bonnie and then he fell in love. Knowing he could feel this way practically made it worth it.

Damon took her hand and intertwined their fingers. "You're making this awkward," Bonnie said lightheartedly.

Damon smiled but said nothing. They walked hand in hand back to the apartment Bonnie shared with Caroline. The one they got after graduation. That was 2 years ago.

As they approached her place, Damon squeezed a little harder on Bonnie's hand and she returned the gesture. Talking, laughing, kissing, and holding hands, it was a part of them now, a part of what made them special to each other. They were both suddenly afraid a kiss from any other person wouldn't live up what they just experienced.

"This is you," said Damon when they finally stopped in front of her door.

Bonnie finally relaxed her fingers, letting them slip from Damon's.

"Thanks for taking me home."

"Don't drag it out Bonnie, get inside."

Bonnie smiled and nodded. "Right." She opened her door and took one step inside before turning around to say, "See you?"

"What the hell did I just say?"

Bonnie laughed again. "Goodnight Damon."

"Goodnight night judgey."

The door closed and Damon hadn't moved from his spot. He absentmindedly stared at the closed door. He told himself that his love for Elena was bigger than life, it was bigger than this small moment, it defied fate, and it changed the both of them. But what if it was more than half of his heart that belonged to Bonnie? He suddenly thought what if it wasn't the worse thing if Bonnie asked him to leave Elena? What if _this_ was the worst thing? He would let Bonnie go; he knew it from the beginning. But...

Suddenly the door swung open wide. Bonnie gasped at the sight of Damon behind what should have been an empty door. But it was fine. More than fine. Damon hadn't moved.

"Damon, what are you still doing here?" She asked breathlessly but already felt she knew the answer. She had to hear it aloud though; she had to be sure she hadn't gone insane.

"I couldn't leave," Damon responded, sounding incredibly vulnerable.

"Then don't leave," Bonnie said, taking a step forward. "Just don't regret it either." Bonnie wanted Damon, it wasn't enough that they were best friends, she had to have more and for once all she wanted to do was be selfish about it. She would keep falling for Damon shamelessly.

Damon kissed her. Always, when it came to Bonnie, he had to choose her, no matter what sort of declarations he made to Elena. He didn't love Bonnie and Elena equally and Bonnie is too bright to even attempt to put in Elena's shadow. He would push it out of his mind the things that would surely haunt him even when the sun comes up. Bonnie was still human, even if he loved her, he would have to let her go one day. He would have to let her go even sooner than that. She'll have to find a nice person with a human lifespan to love.

This moment was theirs though, and for as long as they wanted it, it would continue to be theirs.

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 **Please like and comment if you like and feel want to comment of course. I hoped to capture real emotions surrounded by what it meant for the both of them to take that leap. Despite being the 3rd story Ive written around Bonnie and Damon, this was actually the first time Ive had them do something intimate, and openly so. So nerve wrecking! Until next time, Dahlia**


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